If you have ever read my blog, you already know that I really struggle with this topic. I am not even sure if I truly believe in God or if I just would like to believe that "he" exists. Yes, I know how incredibly blessed I am. I have three wonderful, healthy children, a great marriage, and so much more. I am not discounting that fact. I just wonder how people can maintain a strong sense of faith with such horrific things happening to good people around them.

My husband was raised in the church. So much so, that getting him to step foot in one now is alot like pulling teeth. Because, you see, he can "talk to God from his living room." Myself, I could probably count on both hands the times I have been in a church and the majority of those times have been funerals or weddings.

So, I struggle because I wonder if I am doing my children a disservice by not educating them on the bible and such. Not one of them has been baptised, confirmed or what-have-you, much to the dismay of several elder family members. I just honestly feel like maybe my husband and I, as parents should install the basic elements. Then, they can make the decision later if it is something they want to persue. At the beginning of the school year, Jaycie brought home a permission slip for a program they call "religious release." The kids who sign up walk a block to a nearby church one day a week for an hour and are schooled on the Bible. We went back and forth on whether or not to sign her up and ended up doing it. She really enjoys it, so I continue allowing her to participate. A couple months ago, she was telling her little sister about how three men were thrown in a furnace to burn to death because they wouldn't worship some material idol. But that they were saved because they followed "God's word." I kid you not, I know maybe three bible stories. And, no that isn't one that I had ever heard before. Ever fiber of my being wanted to rip her out of that program so fast it would make heads spin. Instead, I went to the bookstore in the mall and purchased a children's bible. I figured we could read a chapter every night before bed. It might be beneficial to me as well. Well, I only lasted about two chapters. Is it just me, or does there seem to be a constant theme in bible stories? Violence. I really don't want to read about murder, getting eaten by lions, etc. to my 6 year old before bed. Maybe I just picked the wrong book? Who knows. I guess I thought bible stories would have more content about good deeds and faith towards fellow man. *sigh*

Tonight, my friend came to pick up her daughter and was telling me the latest saga of her life. This friend is Catholic. Now, I know several catholics and they are very lovely people. So, this post is in no means intended to be derrogatory toward them or their faith. That being said, this friend happens to be pro-choice, is currently seperated from her husband and seeking a divorce. She is living with her current boyfriend. He (isn't very religious) wants to get married but doesn't want to go through the whole process of being confirmed, yadda yadda. She, on the other hand, plain refuses to marry anywhere other than the catholic church because "her faith is a big part of who she is and she just won't compromise." Ok, this is where my problem lies. See, with me it has to be all or nothing. I don't attend church because I am not sure what or how I believe. She, is Catholic, but is divorcing, is pro-choice, using birth control, and having pre marital sex. How is this possible? Does it have to be all or nothing for you to truly be of that faith? Is she a hypocrite? I don't know. See, if I were to choose a denomination, it for sure would not be Catholicism because I am also pro-choice. I believe in birth control. I think many couples are too quick to divorce, but it surely is warranted in some instances. I am so lost when it comes to this. I hope someone can give me some insight. So, what are your thoughts?